Throughout this whole ordeal known as my life, I’ve noticed
quite a few people who think they know who I am as a person. After what
happened to me last year, I had many people come through for me but then there
were some who thought they knew what happened to me. So I’m here to tell my
side of the story and before I begin, I’m going to warn you it might be sensitive
to some of you guys but I want to get my side across. I don’t want people to
assume that they know what happened to me simply because they heard it
throughout the grapevine. So here goes….
Everything started February of 2014, when my Uncle/
Godfather passed away. His death hit me harder then I ever expected. I didn’t have the closest relationship
with him but knowing that he was alone when he passed hurt me more than I’ll
ever say. He was just 38 years
old. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to have known him better but I was so
wrapped up in my own life to take notice of his.
Throughout that
year, I acted somewhat erratic. My moods would swing up and down frequently
with no known reason. In April of that year, I was on vacation with some friends
when I completely lost it. Some of it could be explained that I was homesick
but I honestly was still reeling from my Uncle’s death.
My mood was still shoty as the year came to a close but
nothing too substantial happened that would get me into trouble. That is until
February of 2015 happened. My
stress levels were through the roof and I would come home from work filled with
unneeded anxiety. A lot of changes were occurring at my job. People were coming
and going and I wasn’t fully ready for it. I got myself into a situation with
two female coworkers and was constantly in the office for saying something I shouldn’t
have said. Everything was causing me stress and I didn’t know how to control
it. The women weren't necessarily making it any easier, so I asked if I could transfer
off of the front end to avoid the drama and start fresh.
Everything was going okay, not great but okay. I was still struggling
with my mental health and basically refused to believe that anything was the
matter with me. I had some bad
days that was all. I refused to believe that I had anxiety or depression. I
didn’t want to feel abnormal or weird.
Things were relatively quiet until June when I started
seeing someone. I had no intention at all in dating this person but I thought
maybe if I gave it a try, things might blossom into something but I was
definitely wrong. I should have
seen the signs right away but I wanted to make the relationship work, that I
just basically brushed his odd behavior under the rug. His controlling behavior
was often ignored until he started telling me I wasn’t permitted to cut my hair
short or go away with my friends to New Jersey for the weekend. I initially
didn’t pay attention to the fact that he was already planning something for my
birthday in August. He said he wanted to take me New York City to see a
Broadway show. His Mother started
saying I could move in with them and the two of them started talking about
marriage. Mind you, I only was dating him for a couple of days at this time.
Everything moved so fast, I barely could keep track of what was going on
outside of the relationship. My relationship
with my Mom started to get strained because I would be spending all of my time
with him, and when she needed me I wasn’t around.
It hit me after two weeks of dating him; I needed to break
up with him. It wasn’t healthy how he was treating me and I needed to get out
ASAP. A week later I thought all
right I’m going to do this, I’m going to break up with him but it never
happened that week.
On July 12th 2015, after his brothers and sisters
made us dinner he took me down to his room where he raped me. I repeatedly told
him not tonight, not tonight but he completely ignored me. After it happened I
was in a complete daze, it felt like I was deliberately blocking it from my
memory.
It wasn’t until a couple of days later that I told my Mom
what had happened. Since I kept telling myself that “I wanted it”, even though
I said no, it was my Mom who finally hit me with the truth. I broke down.
I ended up being sick the week after it happened and would find every excuse for him to not come over to see me. Luckily, he ended up not
coming. Before I came to back to work, I texted him and told him it was over. I
needed to focus on myself and I couldn’t be with him. He was distraught as I
expected.
When I returned back to work, he ended up following me
everywhere I went. He wouldn’t stop texting me over and over until I finally
blocked him. I couldn’t hold it in
anymore and ran to one of my friends and told them what happened to me. I was
scared for my life. The harassment
didn’t go away until I went to management and was asked if I had instigated it.
That’s when they told me they weren’t going to transfer him
out but I did have the option to do so if I wanted to. I initially said no
because I loved the people I worked with but seeing that I would have to see my
rapist everyday prompted me to transfer out.
My last day was bittersweet. I honestly didn’t want to leave
but felt I had no other choice. My Dad came to pick me up and in the parking
lot is where I told him what happened to me. He flew into a rage and drove
right beside him and threatened him. I was in tears the entire time.
Moments after getting home, I get a call from the
police. They told me that he had
called the cops because my Dad was harassing him and at that point I went and
told the cop what happened to me, and why my Dad did what he did.
Right now, the case is ongoing and therefore I can’t really
discuss what’s going on but I’m hoping and praying everything works out and he
gets what he deserves. No one deserves to be treated the way I was treated.
I know I’m responsible for how my behavior has been and I’ve
been working diligently in changing it. I still have many days that I think
about what happened to me and I completely lose it but then I remember how
incredibly lucky I am that got out of that situation and how lucky I am to have
such a supportive group of people in my life. I will pull through this stronger than I ever was before.
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