Friday, October 14, 2016

My Side of the Story

Throughout this whole ordeal known as my life, I’ve noticed quite a few people who think they know who I am as a person. After what happened to me last year, I had many people come through for me but then there were some who thought they knew what happened to me. So I’m here to tell my side of the story and before I begin, I’m going to warn you it might be sensitive to some of you guys but I want to get my side across. I don’t want people to assume that they know what happened to me simply because they heard it throughout the grapevine. So here goes….

Everything started February of 2014, when my Uncle/ Godfather passed away. His death hit me harder then I ever expected.  I didn’t have the closest relationship with him but knowing that he was alone when he passed hurt me more than I’ll ever say.  He was just 38 years old. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to have known him better but I was so wrapped up in my own life to take notice of his.

 Throughout that year, I acted somewhat erratic. My moods would swing up and down frequently with no known reason. In April of that year, I was on vacation with some friends when I completely lost it. Some of it could be explained that I was homesick but I honestly was still reeling from my Uncle’s death.

My mood was still shoty as the year came to a close but nothing too substantial happened that would get me into trouble. That is until February of 2015 happened.  My stress levels were through the roof and I would come home from work filled with unneeded anxiety. A lot of changes were occurring at my job. People were coming and going and I wasn’t fully ready for it. I got myself into a situation with two female coworkers and was constantly in the office for saying something I shouldn’t have said. Everything was causing me stress and I didn’t know how to control it. The women weren't necessarily making it any easier, so I asked if I could transfer off of the front end to avoid the drama and start fresh.

Everything was going okay, not great but okay. I was still struggling with my mental health and basically refused to believe that anything was the matter with me.  I had some bad days that was all. I refused to believe that I had anxiety or depression. I didn’t want to feel abnormal or weird. 

Things were relatively quiet until June when I started seeing someone. I had no intention at all in dating this person but I thought maybe if I gave it a try, things might blossom into something but I was definitely wrong.  I should have seen the signs right away but I wanted to make the relationship work, that I just basically brushed his odd behavior under the rug. His controlling behavior was often ignored until  he started telling me I wasn’t permitted to cut my hair short or go away with my friends to New Jersey for the weekend. I initially didn’t pay attention to the fact that he was already planning something for my birthday in August. He said he wanted to take me New York City to see a Broadway show.  His Mother started saying I could move in with them and the two of them started talking about marriage. Mind you, I only was dating him for a couple of days at this time. Everything moved so fast, I barely could keep track of what was going on outside of the relationship.  My relationship with my Mom started to get strained because I would be spending all of my time with him, and when she needed me I wasn’t around. 

It hit me after two weeks of dating him; I needed to break up with him. It wasn’t healthy how he was treating me and I needed to get out ASAP.  A week later I thought all right I’m going to do this, I’m going to break up with him but it never happened that week.

On July 12th 2015, after his brothers and sisters made us dinner he took me down to his room where he raped me. I repeatedly told him not tonight, not tonight but he completely ignored me. After it happened I was in a complete daze, it felt like I was deliberately blocking it from my memory. 

It wasn’t until a couple of days later that I told my Mom what had happened. Since I kept telling myself that “I wanted it”, even though I said no, it was my Mom who finally hit me with the truth.  I broke down.

I ended up being sick the week after it happened and would find every excuse for him to not come over to see me. Luckily, he ended up not coming. Before I came to back to work, I texted him and told him it was over. I needed to focus on myself and I couldn’t be with him. He was distraught as I expected.

When I returned back to work, he ended up following me everywhere I went. He wouldn’t stop texting me over and over until I finally blocked him.  I couldn’t hold it in anymore and ran to one of my friends and told them what happened to me. I was scared for my life.  The harassment didn’t go away until I went to management and was asked if I had instigated it.

That’s when they told me they weren’t going to transfer him out but I did have the option to do so if I wanted to. I initially said no because I loved the people I worked with but seeing that I would have to see my rapist everyday prompted me to transfer out.

My last day was bittersweet. I honestly didn’t want to leave but felt I had no other choice. My Dad came to pick me up and in the parking lot is where I told him what happened to me. He flew into a rage and drove right beside him and threatened him. I was in tears the entire time.

Moments after getting home, I get a call from the police.  They told me that he had called the cops because my Dad was harassing him and at that point I went and told the cop what happened to me, and why my Dad did what he did.

Right now, the case is ongoing and therefore I can’t really discuss what’s going on but I’m hoping and praying everything works out and he gets what he deserves. No one deserves to be treated the way I was treated.

I know I’m responsible for how my behavior has been and I’ve been working diligently in changing it. I still have many days that I think about what happened to me and I completely lose it but then I remember how incredibly lucky I am that got out of that situation and how lucky I am to have such a supportive group of people in my life. I will pull through this stronger than I ever was before. 


KC said...

Just gutted to hear what happened to you. You don't deserve it. I hope that jerk gets what's coming to him. I'm glad you have people who love you to help you through this. Please take care of yourself. I'll be sending you strength.

Millie said...

I love you and care about you! Always.

It takes extraordinary courage and strength to share your story and live each day. And you are doing it! So much love to you! ��

Kelly said...

I am so, so sorry to hear about all that. I hope gets what he deserves, and I really hope you are feeling better.